The struggles with changes in routine are something that can deeply affect the lives of autistic girls but is often overlooked: such as substitute teachers, schedule shifts, or sudden transitions.
Routine is important for most of us, but for girls with autism, a stable routine can feel like a lifeline. It provides structure, predictability, and safety in an otherwise chaotic world. However, when that routine is disrupted—even in ways that might seem minor to others, like a different teacher showing up in class or a change in family plans—it can lead to overwhelming stress, anxiety, and even emotional meltdowns.
Today, we’ll explore why these disruptions are so difficult for autistic girls, how these struggles show up in different areas of their lives, and, most importantly, how we can support them in navigating unexpected changes with more ease and confidence.
The Importance of Routine in Autism
Before diving into the challenges of change, it’s important to understand why routine is so crucial for autistic girls. Autism often comes with heightened sensitivity to sensory input—sounds, sights, and even the emotions of people around them. For many autistic girls, the world can feel unpredictable and overwhelming. Routines, in contrast, offer a sense of stability and control.
When a girl knows exactly what’s going to happen next—whether it’s the order of her morning classes or the way her evening unfolds at home—she can manage her sensory sensitivities and emotional responses more effectively. Routine creates an environment where she can focus, relax, and perform to her potential.
However, when the routine shifts unexpectedly, it’s like pulling the rug out from under her. The sudden change throws off her internal sense of order, which can lead to heightened anxiety, sensory overload, and an inability to cope.
Understanding the Brain’s Response to Change
The autistic brain is wired to seek patterns and predictability. Studies show that autistic individuals have differences in how they process changes in their environment. Neurotypical individuals may find changes challenging, but their brains are better able to adapt. For an autistic girl, the brain’s natural flexibility—what scientists call cognitive flexibility—is often reduced. This makes sudden shifts in routine feel more disorienting and harder to recover from.
Changes, even those as seemingly small as a different seating arrangement in class, can create an overwhelming sense of uncertainty. The brain might go into a heightened state of alert, perceiving the change as a threat. This can trigger a fight-or-flight response—meaning that the girl may either react with intense frustration or completely shut down emotionally.
When the brain is stuck in this heightened state, it becomes incredibly difficult to focus, interact socially, or even complete simple tasks. The stress created by routine disruptions can linger throughout the day, and it often takes much longer for an autistic girl to return to a baseline level of calm.
The Impact of Routine Disruptions in School
One of the most common places where changes in routine affect autistic girls is in the school environment. Picture this: a 12-year-old girl with autism comes to school every day knowing the exact order of her classes, the teaching style of her favorite teacher, and the familiar faces of her classmates. She feels safe, knowing exactly how the day will unfold.
But then, one day, she walks into the classroom, and a substitute teacher is sitting at the desk. This substitute might have a completely different teaching style, introduce new classroom rules, or change the structure of the lesson plan. Suddenly, the predictable environment that once felt safe is now full of uncertainty.
In response, the girl might experience a range of reactions. She could become anxious, fidgety, or unable to concentrate. For some, this can escalate into a meltdown—an intense emotional reaction that can include crying, anger, or retreating into silence. Others might mask their discomfort, appearing calm on the outside while feeling deeply unsettled internally. In both cases, the change in routine disrupts her ability to learn and participate in the classroom.
It’s important for teachers and school staff to understand that these reactions aren’t a choice. These girls aren’t acting out of defiance or stubbornness. They are genuinely struggling to cope with the sudden loss of predictability and structure that they rely on to function well.
Social Challenges with Changes in Routine
Beyond the academic setting, changes in routine can deeply affect the social lives of autistic girls. Many autistic girls use routines as a way to navigate social interactions that might otherwise feel confusing or intimidating. For example, a girl may rely on specific, practiced conversations or interactions with her friends at school.
When that social dynamic changes—whether a friend is absent, the lunch seating changes, or a new student joins the group—these girls can feel socially disoriented. Their carefully crafted strategies for engaging with peers no longer apply, leaving them feeling unsure of how to act or what to say.
As a result, autistic girls might retreat from social interactions altogether, avoiding situations where they can’t predict the outcome. Over time, this can lead to social isolation, reinforcing the feeling that they are different or unable to fit in with their peers.
Changes in Routine at Home
At home, routine disruptions can be just as distressing. For example, if a family usually eats dinner at 6:00 pm every night, and suddenly there’s a shift because of a parent’s late work meeting, an autistic girl might find herself unable to cope. This might seem like a minor change to others, but to her, it’s a break in the predictable flow of her day.
Parents might notice that their daughter becomes anxious, agitated, or withdrawn in response to these changes. She might ask repeated questions about when things will return to normal or display behaviors that seem like overreactions. In these moments, it’s crucial for parents to recognize that their daughter’s discomfort comes from a deep need for stability and predictability.
Similarly, holidays or vacations—times that most families look forward to—can cause distress for an autistic girl. The disruption of her usual routine, combined with new environments, unfamiliar people, and sensory overload, can make what’s supposed to be a fun time feel overwhelming.
Emotional Responses to Routine Disruptions
The emotional toll of struggles with changes in routine can be significant. Many autistic girls develop strong emotional responses when their routines are disrupted. This can include anxiety, frustration, anger, or sadness. For some, these emotions may manifest outwardly through meltdowns, while others might internalize their stress, leading to increased feelings of loneliness, depression, or withdrawal.
One important thing to remember is that these emotional reactions aren’t voluntary. Autistic girls often have a harder time regulating their emotions due to the way their brains process stimuli. When their environment changes unexpectedly, their emotional response is a reflection of the internal chaos they feel.
Parents and teachers can support these girls by acknowledging their emotions, offering reassurance, and providing strategies to help them regain a sense of control and calm.
How to Support Autistic Girls Through Changes in Routine
Now that we understand the challenges, let’s talk about how we can support autistic girls when changes in routine are inevitable. The goal isn’t to shield them from all change, but to help them develop the tools and strategies to cope with it.
- Preparation and Communication: Whenever possible, give your daughter or student advance notice of any changes in routine. Whether it’s a substitute teacher, a shift in family plans, or an upcoming vacation, letting her know ahead of time gives her brain time to process the change. Explain the change in a calm, clear way, and offer reassurance that she will be okay.
- Create a Visual Schedule: For some autistic girls, visual schedules can be a game-changer. Using pictures, colors, or symbols to represent daily activities helps them anticipate what’s coming next. If there’s a change in the schedule, physically moving or adjusting the visual representation can help her understand and accept the shift.
- Establish Coping Strategies: Help your daughter develop coping strategies for when routines change unexpectedly. This could include deep-breathing exercises, taking short breaks, or carrying a comfort object (such as a fidget toy or stress ball). Having these tools at the ready can provide a sense of control when everything else feels uncertain.
- Practice Flexibility: While it’s important to respect her need for routine, it’s also helpful to gently practice flexibility. Start small—maybe by changing the order of activities on a weekend or introducing a new meal to family dinner night. Over time, these small shifts can help her become more resilient to changes.
- Validate Her Feelings: One of the most powerful things you can do is to validate her feelings. Saying things like, “I understand that this change is really hard for you,” or “It’s okay to feel upset about this” can go a long way. Autistic girls often feel misunderstood, so having someone acknowledge their emotions can provide comfort and reduce the intensity of their response.
Empowering Girls to Navigate Change
Struggles with changes in routine are a core challenge for autistic girls, but they are not insurmountable. By understanding the deep need for structure and predictability, we can create environments—both at school and at home—that support their unique ways of processing the world.
Change is inevitable, but with the right strategies in place, we can help these girls build resilience and confidence in navigating life’s unpredictability. It’s about striking a balance between respecting their need for routine and gently encouraging flexibility.
Above all, it’s about empowering them to thrive on their own terms, knowing that they have the tools, the support, and the understanding of those around them. Work with Elizabeth to help create a world where autistic girls are seen, supported, and celebrated for who they truly are.