Why Are Young Adults Taking Longer to Grow Up?

January 7, 2025

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“They’re Just Lazy” – And Other Myths About Young Adults Today

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Why is my 25-year-old still living at home?”
Or maybe you’ve asked your child, “When are you going to get a real job?”
If you’re a parent of a young adult, you’ve likely felt the frustration. You want to see your child succeed, thrive, and take on the responsibilities of adulthood — but something seems to be holding them back.

Maybe you’re a young adult yourself, feeling stuck between wanting independence and being terrified of failure. You’re watching your friends achieve life milestones — buying homes, getting married, starting careers — while you feel like you’re treading water.

I get it. You’re worried about your child who’s in their 20s but still living at home. Or maybe you’re a young adult yourself, feeling stuck, watching your peers hit milestones you haven’t reached yet.

Let’s take a deep breath together.
This isn’t about laziness. This isn’t about failure.

This isn’t about laziness or lack of ambition. It’s about something much deeper.
It’s about extended adolescence — and it’s more complicated than most people think.

What Is Extended Adolescence?

In simple terms, extended adolescence refers to the period in which young people delay traditional life milestones, such as:

Moving out of their parents’ house
Becoming financially independent
Establishing a career
Getting married or starting a family

Decades ago, these milestones were often achieved by the early 20s. Today, many young adults aren’t reaching them until their late 20s or even early 30s.

This delay doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with them. In fact, it’s a natural response to the world they’re living in — a world that looks very different from the one their parents grew up in.

Why Are Young Adults Taking Longer to Grow Up?

There are three main reasons behind extended adolescence.

1. The Brain Is Still Developing — and It’s Slower Than You Think

Here’s a surprising fact: The human brain isn’t fully developed until around age 25 to 30.
The last part of the brain to mature is the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for:

Decision-making
Impulse control
Planning for the future
Emotional regulation

This means that even though a young adult might look like an adult on the outside, their brain is still catching up.

What Does This Look Like in Real Life?

Imagine a 23-year-old named Jake. He has a degree, but he hasn’t found a job that feels “right” yet. He keeps hopping between part-time gigs, and his parents are getting frustrated.

Jake’s indecisiveness isn’t about being lazy. It’s because his brain’s prefrontal cortex — the part responsible for long-term planning — is still developing. He’s struggling to see the bigger picture, and that’s why his choices seem scattered.

2. The World Has Changed — and It’s Much Harder to “Grow Up”

Let’s be real:
The world your child is growing up in today is completely different from the one you grew up in.

In the past, it was possible to:

Get a stable job after high school
Buy a house in your 20s
Start a family without crippling debt

Today’s young adults are navigating a very different world. Here are some of the realities they face:

Financial Challenges

Student debt has skyrocketed. Many young adults are starting their adult lives with tens of thousands of dollars in debt.
The cost of living is higher than ever. Rent, groceries, gas — everything is more expensive.
Job markets are more competitive. Entry-level jobs often require internships, master’s degrees, or additional certifications, making it harder to start a career.

Social Media and Comparison Culture

Social media creates a constant highlight reel of other people’s successes. Young adults see their peers traveling the world, buying homes, and getting married — and they feel like they’re falling behind.

Every time young adults scroll through Instagram, they see friends who’ve bought homes or started families. They feel paralyzed by comparison and believes that they are failing at adulthood — even though their circumstances are completely valid.

3. Mental Health Challenges Are More Prevalent Than Ever

We’re living in a time where anxiety, depression, and ADHD are more diagnosed and discussed than ever before.
And these mental health challenges can delay milestones.

Common Mental Health Barriers:

Anxiety: Makes young adults feel paralyzed by decisions and fear failure.
Depression: Leads to lack of motivation and feelings of hopelessness.
ADHD: Causes executive dysfunction, making it hard to plan, stay organized, and follow through on tasks.

Your child may feel terrified of failure. Maybe they have been offered several jobs, but the idea of starting something new makes them so anxious that they freezes. As parents, you might see your child as unmotivated, but in reality, they may be dealing with crippling anxiety that’s keeping them stuck.

Misconceptions About Extended Adolescence

Let’s bust some myths about young adults today.

Myth #1: They’re Just Lazy

Reality:
Extended adolescence isn’t about laziness. It’s about adapting to a changing world while the brain is still developing.

Myth #2: They Don’t Want to Grow Up

Reality:
Many young adults want independence but feel overwhelmed by the challenges ahead of them.

Myth #3: It’s a “Millennial Problem”

Reality:
This trend is happening across generations and around the world. It’s not just a Gen Z or millennial issue.

How Can Parents Help Their Young Adults Transition to Adulthood?

If you’re a parent, you might be asking:
“What can I do to help my child grow up without enabling them?”

Here are three practical tips to help:

1. Set Clear Boundaries

Communicate what you’re willing to support and what you expect in return.
Example: If your child is living at home, ask them to contribute financially or help with household chores.

2. Encourage Small Steps Toward Independence

Instead of pushing for big milestones, focus on small, manageable steps.

Example:

Budgeting
Job applications
Cooking meals

3. Validate Their Struggles

Young adults often feel ashamed or anxious about their lack of progress.
Let them know that it’s okay to feel stuck, and offer empathy instead of criticism.

Extended Adolescence Isn’t a Failure — It’s a Transition

Extended adolescence isn’t a failure. It’s a natural response to a changing world. Young adults today are navigating challenges that previous generations never faced.

As parents, friends, or mental health professionals, our role is to offer support, understanding, and guidance to help them transition to independence. Reach out to one of our therapists today.