“How do I stop feeling this way?” It’s a question therapists get asked fairly often. And let’s be real, we’ve all tried to push away or avoid an uncomfortable feeling. Anxiety, fear, worry, anger, etc. “Everything else is fine in my life, but I just have this (insert unpleasant feeling) that won’t go away.” So, let’s look at it.

 

First, I want to change the framework by which a lot of people conceptualize their feelings. Most emotions can be categorized by “good” or “bad.” We want good feelings like happiness, excitement, curiosity, anticipation, and love. We would rather avoid anger, sadness, loneliness, and fear. For the purpose of this exercise, I want to set aside the good and bad categories. Let’s think of emotional responses as just another sense like sight and hearing. Another way we interpret our experiences here on earth. We see a blue couch, it’s not good or bad, it just is. You feel sad, it just is. Not a character flaw, just sadness.

 

How can we make an unwanted feeling disappear or reduce so we can go on functioning in our environment? This is when I start asking more questions about said feeling. I know the temptation is to avoid, to stop feeding it and hoping it will starve away. But what I see happen more often when a feeling goes ignored is that it grows. It gets bigger or starts showing up in other areas of our life that have seemingly no connection to what was bringing it up in the first place. You add shame for feeling that way in the first place and what started out as one unpleasant feeling has now evolved.

 

Rather than the first option, let’s go against that first instinct and instead try to understand. When we look at something up close with a curiosity rather than fear, we can start looking at the feeling for what it really is. What we want to look for is more context.

• What is the environment you’re in when you feel it?
• What people or situation bring up that feeling in you?
• Are you afraid of people, or are you afraid of rejection?
• Are you actually worried about nothing, or have you had enough scary experiences to know what there really is to be afraid of in the world?
• Is it just a random sad feeling you get a couple of times a week or are you lonely because you haven’t had a meaningful conversation with anyone all day?

Knowledge is power. Seeing what you’re really reacting to gives you a place to start working toward change for yourself.

 

This is something we do in therapy. Your therapist isn’t here to judge you, they are here to sit with you through the uncomfortable feelings. We are here to help you find the source of your pain and discomfort in a safe, non-judgemental environment. In therapy, there are no bad feelings, just information on what you need, or don’t need, in your life.

What’s next? Taking the first step. If you need help getting started, reach out to us by calling (469)447-8246 or by emailing us at [email protected].

Learn more about Jaci here.