“Forgiveness doesn’t mean you trust them again. It means you’ve stopped poisoning yourself trying to hurt them.”
What if forgiveness isn’t about letting them off the hook, but getting your life back?
You’ve probably heard this before:
“You need to forgive them.”
“Forgiveness is for you, not for them.”
“You can’t heal if you’re holding on to resentment.”
And let’s be honest—it can feel infuriating. Because when someone hurt you deeply, the idea of “forgiveness” can feel like being asked to make peace with injustice. Like being told to release a debt that was never repaid.
But here’s the thing: Forgiveness doesn’t mean you trust them again.
It doesn’t mean you’re saying “It’s okay.”
It doesn’t mean they were right.
And it definitely doesn’t mean they get access to you again.
Forgiveness means you’ve stopped drinking poison trying to hurt someone who’s already walked away.
It’s not about erasing what happened.
It’s about reclaiming your energy from the past and choosing to heal—even if they never say they’re sorry.
The Pain of Being Wronged Doesn’t Just Disappear
When Someone Hurts You and Walks Away
There’s a special kind of rage that comes from being hurt by someone who feels no remorse.
Who never acknowledged what they did.
Who got to move on while you were left with the pieces.
And that’s why forgiveness can feel so unfair.
Because how do you let go when they never made it right?
How do you move forward when they never looked back?
The truth is, you don’t forgive them for them.
You forgive them so you can be free from carrying what they left behind.
Misconceptions About Forgiveness
Lie #1: “Forgiveness Means Reconciliation”
Nope.
You can forgive someone and never speak to them again.
You can forgive someone and block them.
You can forgive someone and still hold boundaries tighter than ever.
Forgiveness isn’t an open door.
It’s a closed chapter—with you on the other side.
Lie #2: “Forgiveness Means It Wasn’t That Bad”
Actually, it means it was that bad.
Bad enough to leave a wound.
Bad enough that holding onto the pain is bleeding into your joy.
Bad enough that you want your power back.
Forgiveness isn’t a denial of harm.
It’s a declaration that the harm doesn’t get to run your life anymore.
Lie #3: “If You Don’t Forgive, You’re Bitter”
Some people weaponize forgiveness to shame you for your pain.
They say, “You’re still angry? You must be bitter.”
But bitterness doesn’t come from pain—it comes from pain that’s been silenced, invalidated, or ignored.
You’re allowed to feel your rage.
You’re allowed to process the betrayal.
You’re allowed to take your time.
Forgiveness isn’t rushed—it’s earned by you, for you, when it’s time.
So… What Is Forgiveness Really?
Forgiveness is:
✔ Letting go of the fantasy that they’ll fix it
✔ Releasing the hope that they’ll change
✔ Choosing peace even if they never say sorry
✔ No longer giving them access to your thoughts, energy, or identity
Forgiveness is saying:
“I release myself from the prison they put me in.”
It’s about removing the poison, not erasing the past.
How to Forgive Without Trusting Again
1. Validate the Harm
Before you can forgive, you have to name the pain.
✔ What did they do that hurt you?
✔ What did you lose because of it?
✔ What did you need that you didn’t get?
Write it out. Say it aloud. Bring it into the light.
Because forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting.
It means remembering without retraumatizing yourself.
2. Reclaim Your Power from the Story
Who are you when they’re not at the center of your pain anymore?
✔ What energy would you get back if you stopped replaying what they did?
✔ What kind of peace could you create if they didn’t live rent-free in your nervous system?
✔ What boundaries would you reinforce so this never happens again?
You don’t forgive to feel better about them.
You forgive to feel better in yourself.
3. Support Your Nervous System in Letting Go
The body remembers betrayal.
It holds onto the grief, the heartbreak, the fear.
And sometimes, even when your mind is ready to move on, your nervous system isn’t.
This is where the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) can help.
Use the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) to Heal the Impact of Betrayal
SSP is a neuroscience-based listening therapy designed to regulate your nervous system after trauma.
If betrayal, emotional abuse, or ongoing stress have left you anxious, shut down, or reactive, SSP can help your body release those patterns.
It supports healing by:
✔ Lowering emotional reactivity
✔ Helping your body feel safe again
✔ Increasing your tolerance for complex emotions
✔ Reducing the overwhelm of triggers and flashbacks
SSP doesn’t ask you to think your way through forgiveness.
It helps your body let go of the pain it’s still carrying.
Click here to learn how this tool can support your healing journey.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Carry This Forever
Forgiveness doesn’t mean it didn’t matter.
It doesn’t mean you’re okay with it.
It doesn’t mean they deserve anything from you.
It means you’re done letting them take up space in your heart.
It means you’re choosing freedom over resentment.
It means you’ve decided to heal for you.
You are allowed to let go without letting them back in.
You are allowed to forgive without forgetting.
You are allowed to trust yourself again, even if you’ll never trust them.
Ready to Forgive on Your Terms?
You don’t have to figure it out alone.
You can reclaim your peace, your power, and your nervous system with support.
Reach out to schedule a free consultation with a therapist trained in trauma recovery and nervous system regulation.
Forgiveness doesn’t have to be forced.
It can be freeing—on your timeline, in your way.
TL;DR
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you trust them again—it means you’re no longer poisoning yourself trying to make them hurt. True forgiveness is about reclaiming your peace and choosing to heal, whether or not they ever say sorry. You can forgive someone and still keep strong boundaries. And with tools like the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP), you can support your nervous system in releasing the grip that betrayal left behind.
Tags: forgiveness, betrayal recovery, nervous system regulation, trauma healing, SSP therapy, trust issues, letting go, emotional healing, trauma-informed therapy, self-protection
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